We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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