Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
