just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
