No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
