I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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