Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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