He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i now understand why vodka
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
