Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
