My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
