now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
