I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
