Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.