I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?