Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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