I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
