he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
