umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
