Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
