I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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