there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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