i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
His nipple licking is glorious
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