I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
