just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i think im in europe. pls send help
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
