btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i will never coherently bang her
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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