my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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