So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The uberlube is also flammable
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
