Already got asked if we're dating
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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