god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
