A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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