i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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