Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
