A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
