I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
