Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
