Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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