there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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