dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize