i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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