So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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