As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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