Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Pants are for mortals
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
