So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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