I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
