He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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