I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
