everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
