Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
