if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
