GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
