Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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