Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
