I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
