awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
