i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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