I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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