mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
