Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize