Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
