I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
