idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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