I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
