I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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