Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
