i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
