I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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